Sentiments

The past few days I have more or less been an emotional wreck.

If I knew the precise reason why, I suppose I wouldn’t be such a wreck.  But I think we are so accustomed to putting on a facade of having to be okay.  All the time.  I find that too often we have to censor our real selves.  We censor what we say, how we act, how we live…just so we can fit into society in some way.  And then we wonder why we are so miserable and tired.  It is emotionally exhausting to have to be something you aren’t.  Or at least to try and be.  I would have to say that emotional exhaustion is close to, if not worse, than physical exhaustion.

How do you let your heart recover from this emotional exhaustion?

I suppose it is different for each one of us.

For me, it was taking a chance and doing something I should have done a long time ago.   I went to a place where I felt surrounded by love.  I found myself among FRIENDS. Real friends.  Friends who just offered smiles and hugs.  And somehow that was enough.  I did not have to wear the ‘appropriate attire’ for this institution in order to go there.  I did not have to put on a fake smile and say that I was good.  I was me.  Imperfect, readytoworkout, emotionally lost me.  And oddly enough, I hadn’t felt better.  My heart knew what it needed and it guided me there.

I am still recovering from the emotional exhaustion.  I suppose it is an ongoing process for me.  But for that period of time.  I felt like Carrie.  I didn’t feel the world stifling me.  And I thank God for always giving me everything that I need.  Even when I myself don’t even know what I need.

The time is now 6:30 on a Monday evening.  Time to wind down for the day.  But I’ll leave you with something to think about.

If there is one place you could go in this entire world and you knew you would be safe (emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, etc), where is it?  What holds you back from going there more often?  Errands?  Expectations of people that you live with?  Yourself?  Fear?  Time constraints?  Transportation?

Figure out a way to go there.  Often.  It could be exactly what you need.

All love.

My awesome and super intelligent friend Josh Crocker has a great outlook on life!  Check out his constantly updated blog!

As we grow up and gain more freedom and independence, we quickly learn that one of our greatest needs in life is human connection.  We seek friends, boyfriends/girlfriends, etc. for a multitude of reasons.

But as we grow up, we experience more freedom when it comes to the people we surround ourselves with as well.

We are born and basically have no choice in the people that walk in and out of our lives every day.  We get a little older and perhaps more relatives and family friends get thrown into this mix.  Next we move onto daycare and neighborhood friends. And so on and so on.  I am sure you get the picture.

But then we get to high school.  We choose the people we want to associate with. 

The past few days I have been thinking a lot about this.  What is it that makes our friends….our friends.  Is it the fact that they have always been around?  Do we call someone a friend just because we have known them since kindergarten?  Is a friend someone that we see every day and say hi, how are you? to?  What about our co-workers?

Looking back, it almost seems to me that in high school and in college, my friends were largely determined by my activities.  I have always loved making new friends and being friendly to everyone.  My friends have largely been my lacrosse teammates.  As we all have graduated, we seem to have moved on.  It is almost as if I had not played lacrosse, the girls who I considered to be my ‘best friends’ would not even be a part of my life.  Of course neither side is to blame.  Like I said, perhaps these were not ‘friends’, though they seemed it at the time.

Or maybe friends are just the individuals that help us to get through a certain stage of our life.  My lacrosse friends most certainly did that.  I can look back and smile about all of our memories.

But then I wonder what now?  Now that I am out of college, I have the complete power to choose the people that I want to associate with, uninhibited by the normal things that have determined my relationships.

So for now, I’ll still try to sort out what makes a friend.  And what makes a friend worth holding on to. Though I am happy to be blessed with a small group of intelligent, motivated, beautiful and compassionate friends, each with their own wonderful personalities.  I hope they know who they are when they read this.

<3

Sometimes we get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life, we forget to stop and appreciate all that is around us.  All the wonder and beauty.  Personally, I enjoy the fast-paced life that I live and I find myself most happy when I am socially connecting with people.

Routine becomes…well, routine.  I go to the store, grab what I need, smile politely at the cashier and head to my car.  However, if we don’t occasionally expand our comfort zones, we may find ourselves overwhelmed with contentment.  At least this is how it is for me.

A few weeks ago I presented this mini-challenge to a good friend of mine and would like to share it now.  Though it may seem like a minute task, it is a simple way to break from a routine and to share what is most important:  love.  You may even find yourself making a new friend.  Or at least putting a smile on an unexpecting stranger’s face.  The world is often so devoid of genuine smiles.

No matter where life takes you this weekend, you most likely will end up at an establishment (i.e. grocery store, clothing store, restaurant, etc) where money is exchanged.  If you receive a quarter back in change (if not make sure to keep one in your pocket this weekend), either

a. find a child and offer it to them so they can buy a gumball or something fun out of a 25 cent machine — of course with their parents permission.

or

b. offer your change to the person behind you in line to help them pay for their purchase.

Whether or not they actually take it isn’t the point.  The point is striking up a conversation.  Perhaps learning something new about something or someone.  Or like I said before just putting a smile on someone’s face.

Just a simple way to tiptoe out of the normal comfort zone.  Enjoy!

Part of my morning routine is to have a cup of coffee and read from the Bible.  It is an comforting and invigorating start to each day.  Sometimes, instead of continuing the book that I am currently reading in the Bible, I will flip to a random passage.  Most times I know that God has me do this for a reason.  Yesterday was one of those days.  The passage I opened to was Proverbs 17.  Verse 33:

“We may throw the dice, but the LORD determines how they fall.”

Sometimes, I get so caught up in life and each part of my routine that I forget that.  I forget that God holds me in his hands and it is he who has given me these blessings each day.

I choose to throw my dice each morning and enjoy a cup of coffee.  I add some sweetener to it to liven my taste buds while I savor some reading material.

Yesterday, my coffee tasted salty.  NOT what I wanted to have lingering in my mouth first thing in the morning.  I wanted sweet.  But, after reading that passage, I was reminded that it is God who determines these things.  Not me.  Yes, I want to drink coffee in the morning and I can.  But, it is only the Lord who can determine the feeling, the taste, the sight that I get from that coffee.  If he wanted, he could make that coffee that I expect to be sweet, silky, warm and comforting, salty, cold and grainy.

I am always reminded of these things at the right moment.  I am reminded that even I need to slow down sometimes and just appreciate things.  Warm, silky coffee is only a metaphor.  It can be applied to just about anything in our lives.

That theme resonated throughout my day, as I realized when I ‘threw the dice’ for my birthday weekend, I wanted them to land on a great Saturday workout.  But, I was taught a wonderful lesson in listening to God.  I went to the movies with my mother instead.  I took a nap.  I did not rely on all of the comforts of my routine to bring me happiness.  Because when I really think about it, no matter what I am doing, there is only ONE thing that can bring me true happiness.

And whatever that ONE thing is in your life…spiritual or not…I hope that you find it, cherish it, hold on to it and take time once in a while to appreciate it.  I am glad that I did this weekend.

Love.

Today, March 5th, is my 24th birthday.  While I do acknowledge the fact that celebration is important, I would like to present a different viewpoint.

As children, we become accustomed to birthday celebrations.  It is OUR day.  The day WE were born.  So, we are showered with gifts, cake, ice cream, confetti and birthday cards.  As we age, our gifts change from toys and bubble gum to Ipods and cell phones.  Bright colored confetti loses its allure and is replaced with brightly colored martinis and cocktails.  We gather around a table and await the smell of sulfur and the crackle of birthday candles.  We make a wish and blow them out.

Why do we celebrate the day we are born in these ways?  Because it is how we are raised.  It is so important that everyone feels their worth and can have the chance to celebrate all of their wonderful qualities and accomplishments.

A good friend of mine offered her viewpoint to me one day in casual conversation.  She explained why she doesn’t really enjoy birthdays anymore.  At least not in the conventional way.  For her (and me), it would seem more appropriate to celebrate your mother on your birthday.  When you think of all that she went through emotionally and physically throughout the 9 months prior to your day of birth, this concept becomes clearer.

Personally, I do not feel I have done anything exceptional to warrent a celebration today.  At least not a celebration that is all about me.  Not at this point in my life.  I would rather celebrate those around me.  I have already been given the greatest gift I could ever ask for:  life.

So today, on my birthday, I ask you to think about these things.  Thank your mother.  Call her, visit her, e-mail her or simply send up a prayer to her today. Just to say thank you. Celebrate life with those around you. I know that’s how I will be spending my birthday.  Untangible gifts are much more pleasing as we mature in age.  I do not think I would be able to appreciate this on my 4th birthday, my 14th birthday or my 20th birthday.

Love.

If we think about the fact that each day that we have is a gift given to us, how could we not live it to its fullest potential?

Even when we aren’t aware of it, our actions and words are affecting others.  Each of us was given or has cultivated special talents and abilities.  For me, I think this means that as gratitude for the gift of today that we have been given, we should share our talents and abilities with each other.  Even if it just means going through our normal motions of life.

One of my favorite quotes is:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It’s not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

So, even just by living, we may inspire someone else.  Perhaps our normal work ethic that seems to us monotonous inspires a co-worker who is struggling with a task to give that extra effort.  We often don’t hear about how we have inspired this co-worker.  But, believe me it happens.  More than you would think.

So, when in doubt, just live.  Just be thankful for the gift of today.  Look for opportunities to shine.  Even just flashing a smile or giving someone a hug can make a huge difference.  The world tries so hard to bring us down.  But let’s all celebrate the gift of today by lifting each other up.

Think about your special talents and abilities.  How might you have inspired someone else today?

The Rocket Summer (Bryce Avary)

The blog of quite an inspirational woman, the author of critically acclaimed Organize Schmorganize and close friend.